You are probably living in one or two places somewhere in this world currently. During the week, you go to different places for different things you are doing. You have a certain place where your work is, where your school is and perhaps your sports club is. At these places, you spend your time with different people around you; colleagues, teammates, fellow students, etc.
There is a big chance you met your friends at these places. You hang out with these people because you have things in common with them which you like. These things can vary from the love for a certain sport to the way of spending your Saturday night or even to the way of seeing life, it can be anything and for most friends, you have more than a few things in common which is why you love spending time with them.
Your house
You can see yourself as an imaginable house. The way you live, which others can see or know about you, is what people see when looking at your house. So, your house probably is your school, your work, your friend group, and your hobby, if you show it to others. People also can see the way you behave when looking at your house. When people get to know you better, they will see more and more.
A lot of people seem to have the same house: they live in the same village with the same friends and go to the same school, they may even do the same sport or the same study. Also, the way they behave can look the same. This can also apply to you with some friends. Even though the way of living can look quite the same as others, everyone has their unique house, including you. This is because you have a unique soul.
The inside and outside
The inside of your house is who you are and what you like, for example, your norms and values, and your preferences for things. The thing is, you may not always show this to others. Let’s say you like to listen to Jazz music. On the days when you get home from school or work, you lay down on the couch and play a Jazz playlist to relax. Even though you love to do this, others might not. This is why you keep it quiet to the rest of the people; what if they think you are weird?
Even though you do not know how people are going to react if you tell them, you keep it quiet, just because it may not fit the ideal view people have of you. Maybe only some good friends know this about you, these friends will see a different house than others (even though you are still the same person).
So, when most people look at your house, they will only see the genres that you show to others, which are probably the more popular ones, let’s say hip-hop. The people will see at your house that you are listening to hip-hop just because you show it to them, even though this is only a part of the music genres you listen to, but you like it this way because you think to know people will not have weird opinions about you.
This example is about music, but it can be about anything; your political preference, your preference for clothing, etc. A lot of people only know the version of you that you think they will like, instead of the real you. As long as you are showing your house the way you want, without others’ opinions, just the way you want, it is completely fine.
Paths
On the outside of your house are paths. The process of everything you do can be seen as a path you choose. Let’s say you want a new haircut. The paths to the barber are not just the actual paths you need to drive to get there, it is more. From the beginning of thinking of which haircut you want to the ending of the actual haircut you got, there are different paths.
You have used a path before; it leads you to the same haircut. Further one, that same path goes to the barbershop you only go to. Lastly, that path contains the same barber you always have. This path feels the safest, which is why you use it over and over again. You know how that same haircut looks on you, and you think to know what others think about it. Eventually, you know the prices and think to know how your visit is going to be at that same barbershop. Lastly, you think to know that same barber is going to cut you the way he always does.
Choosing this path is not difficult for you, you think to know where that path is leading you. Not only choosing this path can be easy for you; choosing the paths of attending your job, your school, or your sports club can be quite easy for you.
Barriers On the paths are barriers. Everyone has its barriers and every person only can see their barriers. Your barriers are made by you. They are your thoughts coming from your comfort zone to keep you ‘safe’. These thoughts came into your mind for all kinds of reasons; other friends’ opinions, insecurities, traumas, etc.
When you are going to hang out with a friend at his house, the road to this house does not have high barriers, you feel comfortable with this. This also applies to training at your sports club, you have been there for years and do not feel unsafe going there. Finally, while working for a company for years, you do not have high barriers going to that job, it just feels good and safe.
Let’s take an example to make it clear to you what a barrier can be like. You have a new colleague at your work and he seems like a genuine, nice person. The thing is, the last time you introduced yourself to a new colleague, you had an awkward moment. After you said your name, you did not know how to continue the conversation and became silent. You felt very insecure and after saying “enjoy your new workplace” you walked away from the situation. You felt horrible about this, why can it be so hard sometimes?
Now, you see this new colleague. To avoid another awkward situation, you do not introduce yourself to him. The barrier here is the thought of you having an awkward conversation, which you do not want, which is such a high barrier that it blocks you from introducing yourself to him. You choose to take the path with no barrier, which is not introducing yourself to him.
Barriers can come up at any time and in any form in your life; the thought of how your people will judge you, the thought of how you will fail while trying something new, the thought of the problems that will occur while doing something different, this can go on and on. These barriers can limit you in life, look at the example; the new colleague may become a soulmate of you, you are just avoiding that possibility to play it safe? Remember that every path with opportunities you avoid is a missed chance to make a great memory. Only you can be the victim of your barriers.
Problems are part of life, you either accept and face them, or you try to avoid them. There will always be problems and your life will never be perfect, which is not a sad thought, it is just a fact you need to accept if you want to live happily. If you want to achieve great things and make awesome memories, you got to have the discipline to face tough times. Successful people make mistakes in their life, some bigger than others.
The difference is, most of them do not let their barriers define their life. They face their barriers and surpass them, instead of letting the barriers limit them. Take a look at how many celebrities had a bad youth, they had the discipline to face all these barriers and became successful.
Breaking barriers
So, now you know what your barriers are and why they limit you. You can surpass your barriers. Remember that if you want to live the way you want, you do not always have supporters around you. You cannot always keep everyone happy, which is not the key to being happy.
If you want to find true happiness, you should choose paths you want to take, even if these have high barriers. By remembering this while choosing between paths, you will choose the different paths much easier. It will be out of your comfort zone, which makes it harder. But, these paths also are the more fun paths. Keep choosing these paths, you will notice that it gets easier to step out of your comfort zone.
You may get a lot of supporters when you choose these different paths! Also, other people can help you with breaking your barriers. You will experience that people respect you more if you choose your paths, which is great!
There probably will be people judging you, even your friends can do it. If you are limited by your friends, tell them what you think about their judgments, or just ignore them and move on, it is your path, not theirs. Consider if you want to spend time with people that are constantly judging you, go along with the supporting friends and you will find a much better friendship.
Be a supporter for your friends and help them break their barriers, that way, you will be a real good friend, which also benefits you. Do you have a friend that wants to go to the gym but he does not know how to do everything right and is afraid of others looking at him which is why he does not go? Take him with you to the gym, help him, it is going to be out of his comfort zone but you can be so important for him to surpass this barrier. You are helping him choose the paths he wants to choose, which is how he will grow as a person.
Your choice
You have the freedom of choosing your paths. It is your choice how you show yourself to the world. When you choose that different haircut, you choose the path with barriers which is leading to the outside of your house. People will notice, which you know, you know their judgments are barriers on this path, but you take it because you want it.
When you choose to tell others that you listen to Jazz music, you know that this path contains judgments in the form of barriers, but you take it because you want to live your own life.
You can also choose not to tell others about it, not everybody needs to know your whole way of living, as long as you are comfortable with keeping it to yourself it is completely fine.
So, choose your paths, that way you will live your own happy life. The biggest regret people told on their deathbed is that they did not live a life true to themselves, but the life of others expected of them. Let this sink in.
Do you want this? Choosing the paths you think are the best in the head of others? Eventually, regretting the way of living your life on your deathbed? To stay in your comfort zone?
Of course not, and you know it. So, choose your paths and support others, that way you will live your own happy life :)
